there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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