If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
