We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
