I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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