This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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