I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
