my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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