Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
