At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
