and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
