I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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