worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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