last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
