I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
