You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
