miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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