You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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