You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
