yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
