laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
