Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
