So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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