Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My vagina is very pro this idea
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
