just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
