just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
