I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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