So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
