Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
