her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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