Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
