Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
