i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
