not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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