i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
