So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
