whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
