Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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