I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
