i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
