WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
