If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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