my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
