On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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