I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize