Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
