im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
