btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
