david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
