Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you mean i was at the winter classic?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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