Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
