Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
