Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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