my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
