I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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