Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
