I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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