Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
PANTIES FOUND
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
