I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
