You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
