I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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