I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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